Original Link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VHiNbaxbHlIi1M5CjqMTgtamYZieB2loTv6EbpcHkZs/edit?usp=sharing
The clock reads 9 am, and Thomas hears a sudden knock on his bedroom door. “Wake up!” shouted Martha. “You said we were going out for breakfast this morning.”, she added. Unwillingly, Thomas shakes himself out of bed, his eyes half-opened, as he covers himself with a white coat. “I’m out”, shouted Thomas, as he puts on his shoes, holding a newspaper under his arm, gathering the keys. “Don’t forget to lock the door”, said Martha, as she travels down the stairs and outside the building. “Where do you want to go?”, asked Thomas. “Let’s try Herman’s Cafe”, replied Martha. “They make the best poached eggs.”
Holding hands, Thomas and Martha stride across Lane Boulevard, greeting strangers with a warm smile. However, no one replies. “Why is everyone ignoring us?”, asked Martha. Thomas let out a smile, shrugging his shoulders. On the roundabout next to a traffic light, Thomas reaches into his pocket for a 10 dollar bill and hands it to an old lady selling flowers. “Keep the change”, said Thomas, as he grabs a white lily. The old lady stiffens, eerily staring at the couple. Thomas offered the flower to Martha, and they both cross the road to Herman’s Cafe. They enter from the front door and sit on the empty bench at the corner.
A waiter by the name of Cole greets the couple and asks for their order. “How may I serve you today?”, asked Cole. “I’ll have a plate of pancakes topped with strawberries, and the lady will have poached eggs with toast”, replied Thomas. The waiter recorded their order and disappeared into the kitchen. “We live in a sad reality”, said Martha. “Everyone is so obsessed with their own worlds that no one even notices us anymore”, she said. “Just ignore it”, said Thomas. “Let’s just enjoy this beautiful day”. There was a moment of silence until a waiter places food on Martha and Thomas’ table. “Are you sure this is the right table?”, asked the waiter. “Yes”, replied Cole.
Thomas and Martha rub their bellies as they look upon their meal. “I’ve missed this so much!”, remarked Martha. “The colorful plating, the comfortable benches, and the striking aroma! I forgot what it all felt like!”, proclaimed Thomas. After resting for a while Thomas calls for the bill. “That’ll be $26”, said Cole. Thomas reaches into his pocket, but he couldn’t find his wallet. Neither could Martha. “Sorry, we both left our wallets at home”, said Thomas. “Well in that case – ”, suddenly, another waiter interrupts Cole. “Who are you talking to?”, he asked. “What?”, said Cole. The waiter points at Thomas. “There’s no one there”, he said. Cole rubs his eyes and the couple vanished like ghosts. The food was left untouched, the bill unpaid, and the only thing left was a newspaper, dated January 6, 1867. Underneath the date was the photo of a couple, underlined as Martha and Thomas Greene.
Peer Comments:
Nice story, good job with the paragraphs and organization, I liked how you put lots of dialogue in your story. However, it would be nice to have some more details or descriptions to give more power and contrast to the surprise. Make sure to watch out for past and present tense in your writing.
Mok, Ho Lam Edwin Writing Block 